Apple slashes output after buyers give it the cold shoulder

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is reportedly slashing production of its iPhone Air after punters decided they’d rather stick with the standard iPhone 17 or the flashier iPhone 17 Pro.

Users discover their shiny new handset dents like a drinks can

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple thought it could dodge another Bendgate by swapping titanium for forged aluminium in the iPhone 17 Pro, but punters are already finding the move a bit flimsy.

Wants to force them to eSims

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has decided it knows what’s best for its users, this time dangling bigger batteries as a bribe to get people off physical SIM cards.

Apple ditches 128GB model so it can charge more 

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is getting ready to pull a fast one with the iPhone 17 Pro by scrapping the 128GB version, forcing buyers to start at a “base” 256GB model costing $1,049.